Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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