PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
