My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
