Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
