i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
