Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
