Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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