k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
