allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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