i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
