i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
