I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Say something about gay babies.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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