do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
