based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
