I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
