it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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