I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
