oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just gift wrapped bread.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
