UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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