so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
