he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
