Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
