Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
