let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
