I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
