You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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