And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
