i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
