tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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