hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
