In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
