The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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