Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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