I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
