My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
