R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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