Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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