first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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