How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
