dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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