if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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