they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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