how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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