i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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