I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
