Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
