the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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