is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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