My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
