Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Congratulations! We have a period
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