He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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