he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
